


*Disgusted Noise*

by chiarascura



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Awkwardness, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 08:49:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5328053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiarascura/pseuds/chiarascura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Varric wore his usual smarmy smile, but his eyes looked somewhat panicked. “I was just telling our guests from the Merchants Guild about my lovely sweetheart.” The look in his eye begged her for something.</p><p>Cassandra blinked. “Er, what?” Varric grabbed her hand and squeezed it hard enough to be painful. </p><p>“Oh sweetie, don’t be silly.” He turned to the dwarves who looked suspicious at their less-than-friendly greeting, and maintained his grip on Cassandra’s hand. “She likes to be private about our relationship, but I just want to tell the whole world. Right honeybear?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	*Disgusted Noise*

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Dragon Age Kink Meme
> 
> Any+Any: Pretending to be a couple - The Awkward Edition  
> Two people have to pretend to be a couple, but here's the kicker: they have no feelings for each other. Maybe in a tough situation someone grabbed the person nearest to them and proclaimed "this is my love" without really looking, or Inquisitor, their LI and two others were out and in a disastrous case of pair the spares two others are now a pretend-item, or something else entirely. Anyway, passive-aggressiveness (or aggressive-aggressiveness) and awkwardness ensue.  
> http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/12606.html?thread=49445694#t49445694

Cassandra panted heavily as she slammed her sword into the practice dummy for the last time. Her muscles ached pleasantly after her workout, and the stress that had been building up was finally released. She stuck the tip of her sword into a patch of soft earth and began stretching out her muscles.

“Seeker!” She cringed at Varric’s voice calling out to her, and she resisted the urge to snarl at him. Maybe her aggression hadn’t entirely been worked out by the practice. She was still slightly bitter about his incessant teasing after finding out she read his smutty novels. “There she is, just the woman I was looking for.”

Cassandra wiped her sweaty brow with the back of her hand and turned to look at Varric. Three other dwarves stood with him looking at her expectantly. “Yes, here I am. Why were you looking for me?” She studied the newcomers before Varric’s exaggerated eyebrow movements made Cassandra wonder if he was having a stroke. “What is it?”

Varric wore his usual smarmy smile, but his eyes looked somewhat panicked. “I was just telling our guests from the Merchants Guild about my lovely sweetheart.” The look in his eye begged her for something.

Cassandra blinked. “Er, what?” Varric grabbed her hand and squeezed it hard enough to be painful.

“Oh _sweetie_ , don’t be silly.” He turned to the dwarves who looked suspicious at their less-than-friendly greeting, and maintained his grip on Cassandra’s hand. “She likes to be private about our relationship, but I just want to tell the whole world. Right honeybear?” His smile was more teeth than anything, and Cassandra worked to keep her lip from curling.

She glanced from him to the strangers, then back to him. He wanted her to play along with this ridiculous facade. “Of course, _darling_.” The endearment made her sneer at the absurdity, so she tried to turn it into a grin. “Who are your friends?”

Varric looked relieved and patted their clasped hands with his free one. “Cassandra, may I introduce Duri, Shari and Ziri of House Helmi.” Each bowed or nodded at their name. Varric gestured to Cassandra. “This is Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast, the light of my life.”

Cassandra gritted her teeth and tried to smile, knowing she probably looked frightening. “A pleasure to meet you all. May I have a moment with my… pookie.” The dwarves nodded their assent with cheerful murmurs, and she tugged Varric a few feet away by their linked hands.

“Varric, what is going on? Why are you telling them that I’m your _sweetheart_?” Her voice was a sharp whisper that didn’t disguise her anger. She made a disgusted noise and Varric looked caught between laughter and vomiting.

He leaned up to whisper back. “Like I said, they’re from the Merchants Guild, they’re here to talk to the Inquisitor about setting up new supply lines. They’re trying to set me and the girl, Shari, up together. I can’t exactly tell them about Bianca,” he reached to his back where his crossbow usually sat.

Cassandra resisted the strong urges to pull her hand away, fold her arms, and beat Varric unconscious with the sword she had just been using. She settled for pinching the bridge of her nose with her free hand. “Why did you tell them _I_ am your girlfriend?”

Varric’s eyes darted around the courtyard. “Well, it was either you or Blackwall, as you’re the only ones here right now. Most of the others are out with the Inquisitor or on other missions, and I need to entertain them until her Inquisitorialness gets back.” He held up their clasped hands and put his other hand on top of hers. “Please, Seeker, pretend to be my fake girlfriend. I would get on my knees if I didn’t think our visitors would assume I am proposing.”

Cassandra glared at him, considering her options. “On one condition.” She held up a finger. “I want three more chapters of Swords and Shields.”

Varric grinned, this time real and not strained or embarrassed. “Done. I’ll have them to you by the end of the month.”

“The end of the week, Varric.”

He sighed. “Fine, fine. You drive a hard bargain.”

They turned back to the visitors, fake smiles in place.


End file.
